Genesis 3: 1-19

Whenever I read the story of Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden I remember a story about a preacher who was preaching from Genesis 3 and he used one of those loose leaf Bibles that you can put your sermon notes in so you can walk around with them. As he got up to speak, the page he was going to preach on fell out on the ground, because it was a loose leaf Bible. He got up and said, "And Adam said to Eve.." and he turned to the page and obviously it was out of order. So he looked back and said, "And Adam said to Eve...And Adam said to Eve...' very interesting it looks like a leaf is missing."

- Today I want to talk with you about another "cover up". Its about the emotional leaves we use to cover up our true feelings in relationships. When sin entered into the world it brought a new dimension to their relationship - fear. The Bible said fear came into the picture. How does fear damage relationships?

We hate to admit our weaknesses. We deny our faults and disown our failings.

One Brother tell of an experience. "On a vacation I was taking the family across the country and I made an obvious wrong turn. But did I admit I made a wrong turn? No in fact I started defending it. "This is a prettier way to go. We'll get to see parts of Detroit we would never have seen before. Maybe God wants us to enjoy the other side of Motown. When we started to see what looked like bombed out windows and gang signs, the kids said, "Admit it, Dad, you made a mistake." Out of pride, I was defending my stupid mistake and became defensive. Or I would blame Kathy. "You had the map there in your lap. Why didn't you tell me the right way to go?" Its Mom's fault!

Genesis 3: 12-13 "God asked, ‘Did you eat what I told you not to eat?' Adam answered, ‘The woman you put here with me gave me the fruit and I ate it. She replied, ‘The snake tricked me into eating it.'" Notice two common reactions - we accuse and excuse. We accuse our mate and excuse ourselves. Because we are afraid and we get defensive.

We blame the other person. Scape - goating. Adam took it like a man - he blamed his wife. In fact he really blamed God. "The woman you put here with me..." Since the beginning of time men have blamed women for their problems and women have called men snakes! It's a Seinfeld episode!

If you messed up - admit it. If there is an issue that is hurting your relationship - don't fix the blame fix the problem. When I am afraid of my faults I become defensive and like emotional rust - fear corrodes trust.

Genesis 3: 9-10, "God called to Adam and He said, ‘Why are you hiding?' Adam answered and said, ‘I was afraid and I hid from you because I was naked.'" Do you see the words, hiding, afraid and hid? Hiding and fear always go together. We build walls around ourselves. We wear masks and we close people out so people can't get close to us.

Men are typically good at using distance to deal with emotional issues. When things get emotional we head out the door or just clam up. We become cool, distant, macho cowards! I remember when Kathy and I were first married. She was in her first year of teaching music at a Catholic grade school in Appleton. I would come home from work and see her sitting in the bedroom crying. She was stressed out. I didn't know what to say or I wondered what I did wrong. I would back off , my eyes would glaze over and the lights would be on but nobody was home. I'd do something sensitive like pick up a book and start reading.

Kathy taught me how to become a more sensitive husband. I saw a sign the other day that said, "If more husbands would be self-starters fewer wives would be cranks!" If we are going to deepen our relationships we need not hide from each other. The story is told of an Easterner who walked into a Western saloon and was amazed to see a dog sitting at a table playing poker with three men. He asked, "Can that dog really play cards?" One of the men answered, "Yeah, but he ain't much of a player. Whenever he gets a good hand he wags his tail."

Don't hide your feelings. Do you ever play the game at your house called, "Is Something Wrong?" "Is there something wrong?" "No, no, nothing's wrong." "I can tell something is wrong." "Oh, no, its nothing." "I know there is something wrong." "Nothing's wrong. Everything is fine."

A little girl dying of leukemia, asked a nurse for a crying doll. Puzzled, the nurse asked, "Why do you want a doll that can cry?" "Because I think Mommy and I need to cry," the little girl said. "Mommy won't cry in front of me, and I can't cry if Mommy doesn't. If we had a crying doll, all three of us could cry together. I think we'd feel better then,"

Too tough to cry? In Lament for A Son, Nicholas Wolterstorff relates that he found himself crying after his son died in a climbing accident. Wolterstorff wrote:

"Our culture says men must be strong and that the strength of a man in sorrow is to be sen in his tearless face. Tears are for women. Tears are a sign of weakness and women are permitted to be weak. He goes on to build a case that the opposite is true; that crying is the true expression of strength; that allowing one's heart to be broken shows a true man. Tenderness is strength.

If we remember that the fear of feelings can bring distance in a marriage, then courageously sharing the condition of our hearts will bring us closer.

DEMANDING.

Insecurity demands that I get my own way. Insecurity demands that I get my way and I control the relationship. This is not a new problem. It started back with the first couple. When sin destroyed the perfect relationship of that first couple it started the battle of the sexes we know to this day.

Genesis 3: 16 God talking to Eve, "Your yearning shall be for your husband, yet he will lord it over you." Since that time the struggle for domination in relationship began between men and women.

This isn't God's ideal. God doesn't intend for men and women to be competing and demanding and struggling for control in a relationship. That's not God's way. God made men and women to compliment one another - not compete with each other. I don't agree with some sociologists and psychologists that want to blur the differences between men and women. Science is discovering that genetically different in every cell of our bodies. Those differences are meant to compliment one another.

Many marriage problems can be summed up in two words: power struggle. Today in our society we are obsessed with rights - women's rights, men's right, children's rights, gay rights, minority rights. If you make your personal rights the focus of your life you will either be constantly angry or miserable most of your life.

The Christian has given up his rights and submitted to Jesus as the Lord, the leader, the healer, the guide. That's why in a Christian marriage Paul says, "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."

If husband and wife look to Jesus as the head of the marriage they know who is in control and in charge of the relationship. You see, Jesus Christ can change the faults in your life, the feelings in your life and give you spiritual freedom. Take these three steps to draw closer to God.

1. Be honest with yourself. Proverbs tells us, "The Lord gave us a conscience; we cannot hide from ourselves. " So you face up to your faults and feelings and fears and stop stuffing them down. Be honest with yourself.

2. Be honest with Jesus. Come clean with God. Don't run and hide from the Lord. Just tell him your faults and confess them. Too many people think the Lord Jesus is going to condemn them for their sins - they are beyond help, not good enough for God. That's because we fear God. He is not going to beat you on the head if you just come to him for forgiveness. But he loves us perfectly. He loves us in spite of our sins and he wants to give us the power to change for the better.

3. Be honest with your family. James 5: 16 says, "Admit your faults to one another and pray for each other that you may be healed." Revealing your feelings to your mate is the beginning of healing. It takes honesty. I know marriages that have been healed and restored because one partner has stopped lying and cheating and running around and admitted it and asked for forgiveness. In a spirit of reconciliation and love healing began.

You know the definition of an arch? It is two weaknesses that when they lean on each other they create strength. That's a good picture of marriage. You have weaknesses. Your spouse has faults. When you come together you lean on each other with the capstone of that arch being Jesus and he creates the strength which is stronger than you ever could be as an individual. Ask Jesus today to be that capstone between you and give you the love that is stronger than cement and more lasting than granite.

Amen.