ONE MAN HAD an inferiority complex that was so bad that whenever he entered an elevator and gave the attendant his floor number. he always included, "If it isn't out of your way." Steve Allen writes, "All of us require the approval of others. Without it, in infancy, we literally wither and die. Comedians are perhaps distinguished from the rest of the human race by requiring the attention of others even more." Mel Brooks, the comedian, film producer and actor, attributes the aggressive strain in much of his humour, in part, to the fact that as a youngster he was not included in the social groups and activities of the older, bigger, more confident boys. His solution was to get people to like him by entertaining them. He became a jester.'

Many who try to be funny are actually, consciously or not, seeking the approval and the resulting self-esteem that come with getting others to laugh. Many professional comics admit that. Dudley Moore, the successful movie actor, explains his lifelong quest for approval. When he was six or seven, he spent a lot of time in British hospitals. One night. a nurse named Pat gave him a good-night kiss. Forty years later, Moore says, "I almost spin when I think about it. She was truly an angel of mercy, and that kiss was probably the first taste of real, unqualified, uncomplicated affection I had ever had. In many ways my entire life is based on recapturing that single moment of affection." As a youngster, Moore felt humiliated about his small height, clubfoot and short left leg. Kids laughed at him and called him Hopalong.' felt unworthy of anything, a little runt with a twisted foot." His parents felt guilty about his defect, so Dudley felt that he had done something wrong. His home lacked love, and his parents seemed characterised by fear and anxiety. TIME magazine reports his avenue for self-esteem: In his early teens. Moore learned how to win affection. and the lesson has dominated his life: people like to laugh. and they reward those who can make them do so. Having discovered that vintage truth, he became the class clown. Says he: "I think that is every comedian's story."' Today, Moore says that one of his main goals is to make people laugh. "I want to attract people. I want their warmth. I want their love." We all desire the approval of others. Sometimes the desire outweighs the fear of failure, so a person with low self-esteem takes the risks involved in humour. Generally, however, you need at least a measure of confidence to take the chance that your listeners won't understand, like or laugh at your jokes.

A strong self-concept provides the inner security needed to withstand calamity, even rejection. and to overcome the fear of failure. And a greater self-confidence helps you improve at humour.

In fact, a healthy self-concept helps you relax and improve at whatever you do. For example, suppose that during a regular employees' meeting at your place of work, your boss says, "Before we consider our usual business, I want to recognise (your name one of our most outstanding employees. I want everyone to know what a fine worker you are. You are always on time, you never complain about extra work, and you even seek opportunities to improve our company. I never have seen anyone with such integrity, proficiency and enthusiasm. Thank you for being part of our company."

Wouldn't you feel great about yourself and be motivated to be a better employee? When your self-concept improves, your performance as a person, and as a humorist, usually improves.

A Gallup Poll examining self-esteem in the United States revealed that those with healthy self-concepts are distinguished by several outstanding characteristics, such as:

"They are morally and ethically sensitive, and generous in giving "They are highly productive in their jobs. and far freer from the abuse of chemicals and alcohol."

"They are more actively involved in society's problems."

"They view success not in a materialistic way, but in terms of relationships."

"They have stronger families and marriages, and are more successful in interpersonal relationships.'

"They handle stress more successfully and live healthier lives."

The poll also found that only one-third of Americans report a strong self-esteem. We suspect that a good deal of human behaviour, from strivings for success to involvement in interpersonal relationships, is motivated by the desire to enhance one's own self-concept.

Success and a healthy self-concept are somewhat symbiotic; they feed each other. Not only does a healthy self-concept contribute to success.

but success enhances one's self-concept. And nearly everyone wants to be successful.

¥ President Calvin Coolidge once entertained some friends from Vermont in the White House. His friends were concerned that they display proper table manners to win the presidents respect, so they observed Coolidge very carefully and followed his example in detail. The meal passed smoothly. Then coffee was serve Coolidge poured his into his saucer. The guests did likewise. Then Coolidge added sugar and cream. The visitors did the same. Coolidge then leaned over and gave his coffee to the cat.

It would seem advantageous not to be ruled by our desire for approval. but to be secure enough not to depend solely on the response of others for self-esteem.

Gallup's finding that two-thirds of Americans indicates a less-than strong self-esteem raises the question, "Why?" Probably many factors contribute to this lack of self-esteem, but consider four main ones: guilt, fear, problems in interpersonal relationships and lack of meaning in life.

When people fail to achieve standards (moral, ethical, social, vocational. etc) that they impose upon themselves or that others set for them, they often feel guilty. As a result, they may become anxious about their attitudes and behaviour, question their self-worth and worry about punishment. If the -guilt remains, anxiety can compound and cause serious disturbances. A person who feels guilty may strike out against authority and rebel, which often produces more guilt and anxiety. Guilt and fear of punishment can precipitate several neurotic and psychotic disorders. In severe cases, it can lead to depression, which often is chacterized by feelings of worthlessness, and to self-hate. Self-hate can cause people to want to punish themselves or even to commit suicide.

Some psychologists maintain that guilt feelings arise from intricate guilt complexes. Usually the cause of guilt is thought to be something other than the patient, such as unrealistic or outdated moral codes, previous experiences, etc. Therapy often consists of leading the patient to discover his subconscious problem, or of convincing him that the problem is not in himself but in the code of behaviour he is trying to follow.

Certainly many people are subject to unrealistic demands, and past experiences affect personal development. But it is reasonable to consider another possibility also: very often people feel guilty because they ore guilty. 'If this is' true, then therapy should consist, at least in part, of getting the person to admit his guilt. This isn't always easy. O.H.

Mowrer, a psychologist at the University of Illinois, stresses the importance of being honest with oneself, but points out the dilemma that frequently results:

...Here, too. we encounter difficulty. because human beings do not change radically until first they acknowledge their sins, but it is hard for one to make such an acknowledgement unless he has "already changed." In other words. the full realisation of deep worthlessness is a severe ego "insult," and one must have a new source of strength to endure it." Guilt, then, inhibits a healthy self-esteem. Also, if one is plagued with guilt, it is difficult to see the light side of life, let alone relate it to others.

To deal with guilt. one must admit it, but that is difficult. What is the solution? Before we address that, let's look at the three other main barriers to a positive self-concept.

Consider two types of fear: fear of death and fear of circumstances.

Fear of death is one of humanity's greatest fears. If a person does not know what lies beyond the grave, he may become anxious. "Is it the end?" he wonders, "or is there some existence after death? If so, what will happen to me?" Uncertainty about death can generate uncertainty about the meaning of earthly existence. After all, if the ultimate outcome of our existence is nebulous, how can we be secure in our identity today? How can we answer the three basic identity questions: "Who am I?" "Why am I here?" "Where am I going?" Conversely. to have the death question settled may leave us free to take needed risks in life.

During Rusty's sophomore year in college, a student who lived in the room next to his was playing golf one afternoon. A thunderstorm came up, Mike was struck by lightning, and he died instantly. For some time after Mike's death, Rusty's fraternity was in shock. Young men were struggling with, 'What is life all about! What does it mean if life can be snuffed out in an instant? Is there a life after death? If so, how can I experience it?" Fear of death can bring people face to face with questions about their own identity.

Fear of circumstances is the fear of what's going to happen to us as a result of what's going on around us. This fear comes at exam time in school; or when a young person receives a letter addressed "Dear John," and his name isn't John; or when we still have some month left at the end of our money. It can eat away at the spouse whose mate walked out, at the parent whose child was arrested for drunk driving, at the employer who learns that his employees have been embezzling, at the coach or player who worries about losing the big game. These fears can compound to affect self-esteem. A person might wonder, "Why are these things happening to me? What will become of me?"

Sometimes the poor self-concept engenders the fears, sometimes the fears hamper the self-concept. Nevertheless, fear is not conducive to inner happiness. A person in bondage to fear is often blind to the lighter side of life. Laughter can release worries; conversely, serious worries can consume laughter.

What is the solution to fear of circumstances? To realize that many things we worry about never happen? Perhaps. But some of them do. To try to laugh them off! We still may have to face and deal with them. Let's not kid ourselves; humour may relieve tension, but it is not-nor was it meant to be-a final antidote to our real problems. How then do we handle fear of circumstances? We soon will see, but first...

In his book Reality Therapy. California psychiatrist William Glasser says that humans' two basic needs are for love and for worth; we all want to love and be loved, and we want to feel a sense of worth to ourselves and others Glasser feels that many psychological problems are due to a failure to act responsibly, had that each of us needs to become involved with at least one other person who cares for us and for whom we care.

This person should accept us unconditionally, but be willing to confront us when we act irresponsibly. Without "this essential person," he writes, "we will not be able to fulfill our basic needs."

Glasser cites several cases to support his point. One involves a young woman and an experienced pilot whose airplane crashed in the snowy wilderness of northern Canada. Though they had little food and insubstantial shelter, they survived for forty-nine days before they were rescued. Glasser says that their interpersonal involvement with each other and meaningful relationships with friends at home kept them going.

Certainly sincere interpersonal relationships, are important. They con enhance our sense of worth. But people-even our closest friends-can let us down and err in judgement. We may look to other people to affirm our self-worth. but what do we do when they fail us? Before we suggest an answer, let's consider the fourth factor.

UCLA psychologist James C. Coleman writes that as the twentieth century person struggles "with the baffling question of his own existence ...science falls short of providing full answers...It can tell how but not why." In his standard textbook, Abnormal Psychology and Modern Life, he continues:

With the advent of the space age, man is confronted with a new perspective of time and space. and the problem of finding the meaning of his existence in a universe in which the earth and even the whole solar system may be no larger in relation to the whole than an atom is to the earth. At the same time, materialistic values-based on the belief that scientific progress would automatically lead to man's happiness and fulfilment-have proved sadly disillusioning. As a result. many people are groping about. bewildered and bitter, unable to find any enduring faith or to develop a satisfying philosophy of life. Despite their fine automobiles. well-stocked refrigerators. and other material possessions and comforts. the meaning of life seems to be evading them. In essence. they are suffering from existential anxiety-deep concern about finding values which will enable them to live satisfying, fulfilling. and meaningful lives. '(

In the 1940s, more than thirty-one thousand Allied soldiers were detained as prisoners in Japan and Korea. A study of these soldiers showed that many of them suffered from lack of hope. Although they were offered sufficient food, more than eight thousand died. Dr. Harold Wolff maintains that many died from despair. He writes, "Hope, like faith and a purpose in life, is medicinal. This is not merely a statement of belief, but a conclusion proved by meticulously controlled scientific experiment."

A clear purpose for life can assure people that they are significant human beings, that they count for something. This, in turn, can release them to look on the bright side.

We've considered four factors that can inhibit a healthy self-concept: guilt. fear, problems in interpersonal relationships, and lack of meaning in life. The guilty person says, "I have erred. I feel bad about myself." The fearful person asks, "What will happen to me?" The one struggling with an interpersonal relationship wonders, "Does this person like me?" The one searching for meaning in life asks, "Am I a significant person?" How can these questions be answered? How can there factors be overcome? How can one develop a healthy self-concept?

One way to seek a healthy self-concept is to look for it through other people. Their emotional feedback helps us form an image of ourselves. The ways our family members, friends and co-workers treat us either encourage or discourage a positive self-concept.

¥ One man told his friend. 'I looked up my family tree and learned I was the sap."

Do any of your family members treat you like a sap? Chances are that influences the way you see yourself. Do your friends treat you with respect, or are you often the butt of jokes? Do they see you as socially desirable, or do you get the feeling they'd rather you wouldn't show up?

¥ One fellow mailed his photograph to the Lonely Hearts Club. A few weeks later, the reply came: "We're not that lonely."'

Do your co-workers or business associates look up to you, or do they seem to see you as a means to their end? And what about people in the groups in which you use humour? How do they respond?

Comedian Jimmy Durante was well-known and fondly appreciated for his enormous nose. yet his schnozzle was a source of great agony during his childhood. People always stared or called attention to it. Durante recalled, 'All through life, even when I'm making a fortune on account of the big beak, and while I'm out there on stage laughing' and kidding' about the nose, at no time was I ever happy about it.""

Durante's biographer relates a touching story:

Not long ago Durante received a letter from a boy: "l've got a big nose. Mr. Durante. Everybody laughed at my nose. But then I saw you, Mr. Durante. in a movie. And gee! When you kept laughing about your nose, it made me feel good all over. And the other fellows call me 'Schnozz,' and l'm awful proud."

Durante sat silently at the breakfast table for a while. then he called out happily to his housekeeper. Maggie Arnold. "A big load has just fallen off me, Maggie. like an awful curse!", The boy affirmed Durante and his nose as being worthwhile because his situation was used to help another. The comedian accepted and believed the affirmation, so his self-esteem was enhanced.

Anyone you contact-store clerks, police, ticket-takers, telephone operators, receptionists-can influence your self-concept.

¥ Rodney Dangerfield says, 'I don't get no respect. Why, I even phoned the Suicide Prevention Hotline and they put me on hold!' The problem with relying totally on others for our self-esteem is that of uncertainty. If more people affirm us than criticise us, we may have a healthy self-concept. If the opposite occurs, we may not. And people can be fickle; they might like us one minute and ignore us the next. They might laugh at our humour one week and seem disinterested the next. We all want the approval of others, but is there a more dependable source of self-esteem?

Some say that if we believe we have self-esteem, we will have it.

¥ One young man was riding his bicycle across a university campus. A passer-by saw that a message on the front of his T-shirt announced his occupational goal: "I AM GOING TO BE A DOCTOR." As the cyclist rode on. the passer-by noticed a sign on the rear of his bicycle: 'I AM GOING TO BE A MERCEDES."

But suppose you try to believe in yourself and find you can't? Or that you can in some areas and can't in others? Is will power alone a dependable source of self-esteem? Some people base their self-esteem on their success.

¥ A Notre Dame football star appeared in court as a witness in a civil suit. The judge asked, 'Are you a member of this year's Notre Dame football team?"

'Yes, Your Honour," the athlete replied.

"What position do you play?"

"I play center, Your Honour."

"How good a center are you?" the judge inquired.

'Sir," came the confident reply, "I'm the best center Notre Dame ever had."

The Notre Dame coach was in the court and was quite surprised by the reply. Though an excellent ballplayer, he always had seemed modest and unpretentious. Later, he asked the player why he had said what he had. "I didn't want to, coach, but there was no choice. I was under oath."

But, again, success is fickle. Teams can lose, economic circumstances

can change, applause can dwindle. Sometime« the success itself leaves people dry. Consider these examples from the lives of several famous comics.

WHEN YOU'RE HOT AND WHEN YOU'RE NOT...

Joan Rivers is often afraid of losing her money. She speaks of her great fear of winding up in a nursing home. Joan says, "I wake up at night and say, 'What if I'm not funny in the morning? It's gone. It's over.

Good-bye to the house, good-bye to Melissa's horses and the dogs, make sushi out of the goldfish.' 1 always think it is just going to go away.

Success is very fickle, and you must never think it is going to last forever, because it will not. Every time I go on-stage, I say a little prayer, 'Thank YOU, GOD"

Richard Pryor comments on some of the fears common to those who appear in public, "Audiences are really something else. When you're apprehensive and show a little fear and doubt because you're not getting any laughs, man, an audience will eat you alive. They sense fear, and it's like being in confrontation with a wild animal that senses you're afraid.

In both cases, you're doomed.''"

Steve Allen notes, "It is always fascinating to observe in the character of so many leading funny men the great sensitivity that led them to erect a humorous defence. Far from being the overconfident buffoons the layman might think, most of the leading comedians are somewhat shy, pessimistic worriers whose greatest fault is a lack of confidence rather than an excess of it.""

Many successful comics hide their fears and insecurities behind the wall of their comedy. Many have difficulties in social relationships.

Author Leo Rosten speaks of Groucho Marks' emotional isolation, "I never heard him laugh out loud, never, even at jokes or comedians he enjoyed. His natural expression was edged with sadness, but in public he donned the mask of a sardonic owl. He hid his emotions. Even his wives and children were not his confidants. He was, in truth, a melancholy man, often depressed, as many comedians are.""

On a St. Louis radio program, Red Skelton was asked, "If you had the opportunity to write -- in a sentence or two - Red Skelton's philosophy of life -- what would it be?"

"Don't love anyone," Skelton replied. "Like everybody. Because love can hurt.""

Shortly before Peter Sellers' death, his fourth wife, actress Lynne Frederick, shared this observation about her husband: "His mind is in a constant state of turmoil about what his purpose is on this planet and whether it's all worthwhile.""

Met Brooko says, "Humour is just another defence against the universe

Michael O'Donoghure, a former editor of National Lompoon who has written sketches for 'Saturday Night Live,' says that his own morbid humour is appropriate to "a violent, desperate time. Humour is a release of tension, and you react to what is happening around you. The world is ready to nuke itself out. That's why my humour is preoccupied with death--Dick Van Dyke and Donna Recd just don't cut it anymore. I believe that life is a joke and death is the punch line.",

We are not claiming that all comedians arc tortured souls. Even those who struggle with inner torment still find themselves enjoying the laughter of a warm, responsive crowd. But after the crowd has gone and the lights are out, the comic must live with himself. "Even in laughter the heart may be in pain," notes a biblical proverb, "and the end of joy may be grief The Writer of the Old Testament book of Ecclesiastics tried to find ultimate happiness through many means, including humour. He concluded, "I said of laughter, 'It is madness.' and of pleasure, 'What does it accomplish?'" Humour can be the anaesthetic that deadens the pain of an empty soul. Yet eventually, the anaesthetic wears off.

Where can one find a dependable basis for a healthy self-concept? If other people, our own willpowcr and our own success are insufficient in the long haul, where do we go? There is an answer...